Dear Mother Nature

You are a menace to society and an ultimate Monday morning buzz kill. Not that Monday mornings carry much buzz… but I think that if you asked anyone, ruining a Monday morning is, most certainly, terrible etiquette.Anyway, I don’t get what your deal is, Mother… you’ve provided me with plenty a wonderful fall (even though some of the deliveries have been less than satisfactory as of late)… and I’ve always been a decent fan of summer… but I’m not sure what your problem is this year, lady.A drought… a drought I can handle. I’m not a farmer, I couldn’t commit to gardening, I have no landscaping, and I love dry heat. For someone like me, other than the grass becoming violently crunchy, this summer has been awesome… UNTIL NOW.

The relief from the heat was nice… I can even appreciate a little rain for the farmers… but, I mean, you couldn’t just leave me alone from there? YOU HAD TO LET THE BUGS FLOURISH?

Mother Nature, I understand you love all your creepy, crawly creatures… but I don’t… and I fully don’t love them in my house, on my dog, in my bed, and on me. Not only do I not love it… but it kinda makes me want to punch you in your floral face.

I was ready for the day. I woke up early… But finding that nasty, little beast of a tick burrowing into my leg has RUINED my Monday, Mother. RUINED my ability to focus on anything other than thinking that I’ve got some kind of bug covering every inch of my flesh. This has taken away the joy of being in cozy in my bed, comforted in my home, and cuddling with my dog.

I hope you are proud of yourself. I can’t feel comfortable or comforted because I can’t go overboard spraying pesticides around my house since I’m pregnant… and I can’t just let this go in the event we get an infestation… and then there’s the LYME DISEASE… Okay, we both know I’m not the most practical person ever… which makes me a fun candidate for a funny prank… I know your history and love of a good prank… I can respect that… but I mean… I’ve got a baby on the way… AND I’M ALL KINDS OF PARANOID.

Who does that to their friend, Mother Nature? It’s not very motherly of you.

Until further notice we are not on speaking terms. I can reevaluate the status of our relationship upon the arrival of fall… that’s your chance to make up for this horrendous, atrocious attack on my summer frivolity.

I leave the future in your fictitious hands,



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